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News until you throw up

I listen to too much news. I feel like if I don’t, I will miss the Second Coming, the Tsunami spread, the arrival of a meteorite, the rising melt of glaciers, a solar flare that could fry me, an alien invasion, or the next terrorist attack to come. has promised for the past. four years. Since I don’t want to miss these things, I listen to too much news.

Because I hear too much news, I know too much about beheadings and bullet-riddled bodies. I know too much about car bombs and body parts lying around. A few days ago they found a few dozen heads in boxes in Iraq. This is no way to get ahead in war. I wish I didn’t know about it, but I do. I wonder where the others went. I only know these things because I watch and hear too much news.

I know too many damn opinions on too many things. I used to listen to Limbaugh but I don’t think he is believed sometimes and O’Reilly is too angry, smart and repressed for my liking, but I know these guys, because I listen to too much news. . I heard a few things … on the news about their personal lives, and it was great to know that they are not as fair as they would have me believe. I knew that on the news. I listen too much, you know. I listen to Air America. That’s quite a novel group, if there ever was one. I like them. They scare me a lot, but I like them. They say everything about the government and this administration that all the other news that I read about them makes me think. They make me feel like the thoughts I have about all the other news I read about are at least normal. At least I don’t feel so alone in my reaction to all the news that I read too much.

I know too much about politicians, especially Republicans who love Jesus so much, some of them seem to love to wage war more and more so that he can come back or something. They also make love, but it seems they are often caught making love to the wrong people and even the wrong sex. Wow, but honestly, I read it on the news. I read that Mrs. Bush moved out of the White House recently because Mr. President was making fun of … well, others. Wow, that’s great news. I didn’t see it on Fox or AOL though, so maybe it’s not news, or maybe it is, but it’s not news to the masses, who knows? Some news tells me that I won’t see this news on the news because it won’t be news, so I guess we lose. God, the news even tells me that this president might not even be the real president and that so many people had their vote thrown out, okay, Democratic voters are. That would be depressing, but it seems true to me. Heard it’s true, on the news, twice!

Because of the news, I know too much about CEOs who take too much from others to get rich. I mean MANY do. The news tells me how much congressmen and representatives of the public make, but CEOs are getting pretty good at it too. I see it on the news. Million dollar birthday parties, retirements that make God jealous, since he doesn’t own all the cattle on a thousand hills after all. That former CEO does it! Or at least he can. All the smiling chimps, because they always seem to be so sorry AFTER being caught, and so shocked because they are sooooo innocent, but I bet if nobody noticed, they wouldn’t regret it one bit and take a little more. But then, at least later, we would have more news. I read on the news where Enron just didn’t give up the power they said it didn’t have, but it did and it got a lot of money from the elderly in California trying to keep warm or cool … I don’t remember which one. It made me a little mad. Those guys went to jail, but I hope we don’t read on the news that their best friend, Mr. President, forgives them or something when he walks out the door. I read in the news that he can do that. I am concerned because I also read that when the president left Texas as governor and was asked who would clean up after all the damage he did, he said it was not his problem. I hope I don’t read that he said that again when he left office this time. I bet it does. I once read on the news that people don’t change much in their lives and what they were, they still are for the most part.

Why am I doing this to myself … you know, reading and listening to all the news and opinions about the news and the people in the news that are on the news and I wish the news would never find it? How many heads in boxes do I really want to know or humans crushed in earthquakes? I have to say that I am concerned that if I don’t keep up with the news, I will miss the most important news, whatever it is. Once I tried not to see or hear the news or the opinions that the greats have about it, but it did not work. I got nervous not knowing what I was missing. I read once on the news where they want us to be nervous about the news because fear is a good factor to control us and change all the rules so that we do not have the same freedoms that we had before they scared us. God, I can’t win with this novelty! Now I even read news about why the news is the way it is!

I read once where what I thought was news actually wasn’t. It was more like a government announcement that was made to look like news. But they got caught. I saw it in the news.

Well I guess it’s news, news, news, until we throw up or at least Jesus comes back and turns off the presses and makes us go to the church of someone else’s choice so we can be happy. I read where we would have to go according to biblical rules and stone our rebellious children and women who were naughty and decimated God’s chosen leaders. It would be like Jesus Land, but for our own good gay people and prostitutes, but not for the Warriors, (what is a smuggler?) I would be killed and we could only see things like Oklahoma and Nemo meets Noah … yyy … oh never mind, I read about the rapture on the news and I hope that at least that gets these people out of here so we can fix the things they broke. I’m freaking out again with things I read on the news. I breathe again with difficulty. I have to go for a walk. God, I hope that if some terrorist blows up or gasses me while I’m walking, at least they get my name right. I read on the news where they confused two accident victims … doh … look what I mean!

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